The Power of Negative Thinking

We are accustomed to hearing people talk about the power of positive thinking. "The glass is half full"  or "Look on the bright side."    While we hear these phrases and others like them daily, we rarely talk about the power of negative thinking. Thoughts are powerful and there are few things that can work against us more than negative thinking. In my career and in my personal life, I see how much power negative thinking can have over us. It is important to understand why and then work toward avoiding that negativity.

Many times our negative thoughts are about what we perceive others to think about us.

• "That answer I just gave sounded dumb."
• "Why did they not call me back? They must not like me."
• "She looked at me weird. She thinks I am ugly."

Negative thoughts, like these, are just not accurate. We have no way of knowing what others think about us, if they don't tell us.  So when we say to ourselves "she does not like me" or "no one cares" we are simply implying that we know what someone else is thinking about us.

Sometimes we are at fault in a situation. In these instances negative thinking prevents us from moving forward. I may have burned the casserole we were taking to the potluck. You might have worn my favorite earrings without asking and lost one. He may have said something mean to someone and they do not want to hang out with him again. All of these situations clearly have a person at fault. However, if I think that I am a terrible cook because I burned the casserole is a that an accurate assessment?  Probably not. But that situation could ruin my evening and create tension in a relationship if I were to let it.   One of the most important things we must remember about our cognitions or our thinking is that we are in control of our thoughts.  Recognizing that something bad has happened and then finding a way to move on helps us overcome the negativity.  It is not so much about positive thinking.  It is about thinking realistically.

Yes, I burned the casserole. Maybe it was because the recipe was not very good. Perhaps I forgot to set the timer. Possibly, I simply misread the directions.  The reason does not really matter.  What matters is how I choose to move forward. Do I accept that I burned the casserole, feel frustrated and go to the potluck anyway with a good story? Or do I choose to continue to be angry with myself, tell myself I am a terrible cook, get into an argument with my partner and stay home?

When we get stuck in the negative thinking cycle, no one benefits. We tend to feel sorry for ourselves and alienate others. We may avoid situations where we have to confront our negative thoughts such as the gym, class, work or social situations with other people. We may get into arguments with others when we wrongly believe that they feel a certain way toward us.  We may quit an activity that we feel we are not good at. If, however, we try to move into a more realistic mode, we take accountability for the bad and look for a way to move forward.  We identify a goal or some way to address the issue. We think realistically.

Bad things are going to happen. We are going to mess up. People are going to get mad at us. We are going to forget to pay a bill. We are going to gain/lose weight.  If we believe that all of those bad things are directly related to some intrinsic flaw within us, then we are forever going to be paying an unnecessarily high price for simply living life. We have to move toward recognizing that things happen, sometimes because of us and sometimes in spite of us.  We must see them for what they are, determine if we need to do something about it or accept it and move on. When we can do that, then we avoid the negative thinking cycle. We begin to deal with our emotions, handle difficult situations and live a more fulfilling life.

So let's work on realistic thinking- not positive or negative- but realistic.

One more person talking about exercise

We are bombarded daily with reminders of the benefits of exercise.  From commercials, social media, radio, news programming, and any other form of media that you could possibly consider, we are reminded that physical exercise will cure everything. It reduces obesity, any weight related illness, heart disease, cancer, diabetes, risk for stroke and the list goes on.  Children, teens and adults are all targeted by the exercise pushers.  So why all the fuss?

Well as we all know- it is true. Exercise does make everything better. Unless you get injured during your Zumba class, most people, health professional or not, will agree, that exercise makes it all better.  It is just that simple.  We feel better after we go for a walk or a jog or a swim or go to a fitness class or ride a bike or jump rope or play basketball.  We don't really feel better after watching TV, unless it was a really funny show.  But even then we often feel guilty for not cleaning the kitchen, doing laundry, finishing homework or fixing that broken lamp we keep meaning to get to.  We may feel better after reading a book or making something crafty or working on the car.  But we ALWAYS feel better after exercising. Not only do we feel like we did something good, we feel accomplished.  Reaching a goal is gratifying.  Most forms of exercise include reaching a goal. The act of accomplishing that which we set out to do is therapeutic.

Exercise is good for our emotional well being.  "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands" as Elle (Reese Witherspoon)  reminded us in Legally Blond.  It is true that exercise releases the chemical in our brain that makes us happy. It reduces depression and anxiety.  It makes us feel as they we have done something good. Our bodies feel stronger.  We feel better about our appearance by just knowing that we worked out.

So long story short- exercise is the prescription for better health, mental health included.  So if you are having a case of the Mondays and things just seem blah- consider going for a walk, taking a jog or going to the gym.  Even if you are not cured,  chances are that you will probably feel better. That is good medicine!

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495

Entering the Blogisphere- Discussing Mental Health

Well folks, this is my first venture into this thing which is the blog.  I have read a few blogs here and there. They have mostly been ones written by friends or shared on Facebook or other media outlets.  So I am not sure what to expect as I enter this world on my own.  It is a bit daunting sending out my thoughts and ideas into the cyber landscape.  As I tell clients on a regular basis, we have to start somewhere and I guess this is as good a place as any.

The purpose of this blog is to express thoughts and ideas on mental health and overall wellness.  My hope is to give folks a better understanding of ways to improve their mental wellness, prevent mental illness from becoming debilitating and normalize the conversation about our own mental health.

It seems that most people feel quite comfortable talking about their physical health.  If someone you know has high blood pressure or allergies or the flu, they often will discuss it openly and, whether you want them to or not, at length.  The same cannot be said about our mental health.  I noticed this first hand after having my first child.  While all of the articles and books about pregnancy and childbirth make an attempt to alert women to the baby blues and post-partum depression, simply the idea of telling someone other than my husband that I was feeling down after my darling child was born was out of the question.   I felt completely comfortable discussing labor and delivery and even the physical healing post-partum. However it felt very different to discuss the emotional ups and downs that occurred after my baby was born. Thankfully, I did not have much in the way of the baby blues.  There were a few days of feeling overwhelmed, anxious and somewhat tearful. Overall though it left quickly and my emotions stabilized. But I did think often of how many mothers expect that they should be able to handle all of the changes of motherhood with a smile.  It is a huge job becoming a mother in addition to physical trauma of actually having the baby. Most women at some point in the first month of having a child experience tearfulness, emotional unsteadiness and even depressed feelings which are normal and short lived.  It is so common that there is a name for it-the baby blues.  It struck me though that if I, an educated professional in the mental health field, didn't want to talk about my own Baby Blues, then we have a lot of work to do before the discussion of our mental health becomes a comfortable and normal part of our personal interactions with others.

Our mental and emotional wellbeing is as important as our physical wellbeing.  They are intrinsically connected in ways that we have yet to fully understand.  Yet, even those of us in the field of emotional health are more reluctant to voice our concerns about our emotional and mental health.  So let's work on that people!