That Toilet Sure Was Working Well Today!

One of the most common suggestions that I give parents who are struggling with their          child(ren)'s behavior is to try to notice and praise the good things that they do. It is much more common for us to focus on what is not working or what someone else has done wrong rather than on what they are doing well. Parents will sometimes counter my suggestion with comments like "well they are supposed to do that anyway" or "do I have to praise them for brushing their teeth now too?" My response is "yes, if that helps, then yes."

Noticing the positive things in our lives can be challenging. Is that because we are  negative by nature?  I don't think so. Often the negative things require our attention. If something bad happens, usually we have to address it. If the toilet is backed up, we have to plunge it and we complain about it.  When the toilet is working well, we usually ignore it. It is very rare that someone might comment "That toilet sure was working well today.  Thank goodness for indoor plumbing." It is the same with kids' behavior. When they are doing their homework or cleaning their room, parents tend to just go on about their business. They may say "Thanks for cleaning your room." More often than not, however, parents just expect those things from their kids.

Noticing the positive things around us can change not only our attitude but also the attitudes of others. Think about those people in your life who are by nature positive and upbeat. They tend to lift the spirits of those around them. That is often due to their ability to make us feel good about ourselves and the world around us.  In graduate school, I had a professor who would start every class asking each person to report on something that they had to celebrate.  Inevitably at the end of the exercise most people were smiling. We all have celebrations each and every day. They may not feel special.  It may something as simple as a great cup of coffee in the morning or a good nights sleep.  Perhaps your electric bill was especially low last month or you got a few hours to read a good book. Focusing on our celebrations can lift our spirits. Recognizing the positives in others, especially our children, can lift theirs too.

So be mindful this week of those things that we so often take for granted. Be actively thankful and recognize the positive. Tell you children that they did a good job even if was just putting away their toys or listening to you when you asked them to do something. There is a lot of negative stuff in the world that does require our attention. But there is so much more goodness that we could really stand to spend some more time noticing. "That toilet sure was working well today!"